The song Under Pressure is playing through my head right now as if it were my pulse. I have not posted this whole weekend because I have not been myself, very tense for several reasons. My spouse helps to center me and I'm grateful for that. Today being Easter Sunday has also helped, so I feel I am finally ready to unload all this weight. This week I feel like I've been having to live up to some large expectations, not the least of which, my own, and it's taken it's toll. I feel that I am in this predicament in order to share my testimony and some helpful advice for others walking in the same shoes. Let's help each other through, shall we?
=-D.
Expectation #1, be a good spouse and caregiver and juggle the two roles in perfect sync along with other obligations, despite being in extraordinary circumstances. My mother in law is out of town and has entrusted the survival of our whole household in these hands of mine. With her out of town there are 4 of us. I take 5 classes at UCF, work 20 hours per week, try to make time for my own parents, and help to raise a 7 year old, as well as for this week try to keep the house in order, which is normally her thing. She has a lot of faith in me that I will be the future mother figure of the house, but she has old school values and she believes that it is the woman's job to cook and clean aside from having a professional life. So she feels I should also be able to take the lead in that capacity and she's expecting me to have held up my responsibilities while she's gone. I have not even begun. Friday I came home exhausted from the change in schedule and Saturday I worked a full 10 hr day. Today was all about church and family and celebration and left no time for tidying up. In fact Easter debris is still scattered downstairs from our amazing indoor Easter egg hunt. Tomorrow I'll be out of the house all day with school and then that will leave me with part of Tuesday to devote to chores. I haven't cooked a decent meal yet. Hardly exemplary, but I really don't have the time to do it right. I'll just have to humbly admit that the task was too much. That's just how it is.
Expectation #2 is my own. I have made myself a goal of sustaining my 4 A's for the rest of the semester. I am so very close. Under a month left now. But I have to admit, I especially want an A on my final project for my Technology class. I know that a completed lesson plan, spiffy and shiny, will look amazing in a portfolio and I want to do my best. This is my chance to show what I've learned. It's important, and as the submission deadline comes closer, I get more and more worked up. I have a general idea of what I want, but I sort of have some kind of writers block. I'm a little stuck despite having good advice. I'm my own worst critic. Just gotta shake it off. It'll all be over very shortly.
Expectation #3 is I want to really do a good job at this semi-permanent substituting position. Here is where I am super critical. I am really sweating not being accepted by the children. Friday, there was one boy that was being exceptionally stubborn and despite having a paper and a pencil was refusing to do the assignment. I ended up calling the dean on him and he really didn't give me a good vibe the whole time, because I was making him work. I just hope either he or some other student doesn't turn on me and convince his or her mom to cause a scene at the school just to get me out of the class. I know I have as much weight in the school right now as a piece of paper. I feel like I am super replaceable still and I'm sure that's what that fight for tenure on a real teaching job will feel like too. This feels like a mini tenure here. I feel like if I can make it through a second week without dropping the ball I'll be doing okay for myself, but those loose cannons scare me. Despite me knowing I did the right thing there's still a lot of anxiety.
One of the top 10 tips on WebMD is to de-stress with music. I agree. Pumped up music can help, but so can relaxing instrumentals. Pick your type and schedule a therapy session.
Another is to be grateful. Being grateful helped me through today. I need to be grateful for the success I've had so far. My Pastor is really good at reminding me of that. She always tells me how proud she is of me, like her own daughter. I really do accomplish a lot and I'm thankful for the talents I do have, even if I'm not a perfect housekeeper.
In a related article from WebMD, some stress busting foods are complex carbs like oatmeal and whole grain bread (things that I don't naturally enjoy eating ironically), oranges, and large amounts of black tea.
For more stress tips, here is the article I consulted, http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/blissing-out-10-relaxation-techniques-reduce-stress-spot. Please be well. Your life is what you make of it. Invest in yourself regularly. =-D
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